Updated: Apr 21
This week has been trying at best; between our 3rd lockdown in Ontario and the personal struggles that both myself and Loveleen endured, I have to say I'm over it. When I look at the news and hear that only one-third of the Canadian population is vaccinated and the Covid variant is spreading like wildfire, the light we thought was at the end of the tunnel seems dim.
My friends, that's a great question, and I don't have an answer, and chances are, nor do you. Not having an answer feels like the bulk of the problem and lends itself to feelings of helplessness, frustration and fatigue. No one is interested in a Mary Poppins toxic positivity approach right now. What we want is to be MAD! Every single person I have talked to is fed up with the government, the anti-maskers, you name it, they are expressing their outrage, and we should.
To move forward, we must look at all our feelings. Not glaze over them or be polite. Acknowledge them; analyze them, and move on. You can not stay in the space of anger or frustration; it's stagnant and doesn't allow for growth or healing.
The pandemic has affected us all in different ways; for me, it has affected me financially. As a single person, it has left me feeling vulnerable, scared and my anxiety is currently a 10/10. I am a 1 1/2 income household. The half has disappeared. Yes, I do have it better than some, and I am grateful for still being employed. That doesn't change the level of difficulty or the choices I have to make to maintain.
Choosing to Surrender!
Selling my condo has been one such choice. So, while on stay-cation, I have been sprucing up the place to make it show-worthy. The week started with putting everything in storage, followed by painting and redoing the flooring. When it's all done, it will look exactly how I've always wanted, but for someone else to enjoy, so disappointing.
Making difficult decisions is what it means to be an adult, which our parents alluded to when we were kids, but nothing could have prepared us for the last year.
As Spring moves into summer; I have to look for strength, and am reminded of the Serenity Prayer associated with Alcoholics Anonymous.
'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time and accepting hardships as the pathway to peace.
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next.'
Although my beliefs are not in complete alignment with the concept of "Him." What I do take from the AA Serenity Prayer is the idea of surrender.
That's where I find peace. Knowing that if I can't control it, I can't let it control me.
Take from this what serves you, and find peace in your current situation.